Prologue: The story is exactly as I saw in a dream I had few days back, with a bit more added here and there. The dream stops at the second last paragraph, not sure if I should have left it there. And of course Preethi didnt have a name in my dream, Preethi was me.
The story
Preethi ran down the stairs of the big house to join the big gang of people gathered around the living room table. Some were singing, some were tapping on the table.
“Enna nadkrein inge? (What is happening here?)”, she asked, eager to join the fun
“Anthakshari, it’s a game where one team has to sing …”, Praveen offered
“starting with a word the other team ended with. I know! Who doesn’t!?”, Preethi said
“I am joining too.”
Nithin came down the stairs and saw the gang, some singing, some shouting, some laughing aloud. He joined them too.
“Hey whose marriage is it anyway?”, he teased
“Nithin Sir the groom always sits in his room, dreams about Ms Wife To Be! Who let you out?”, Preethi teased back.
Nithin laughed aloud and went to the next room.
Looking after him Preethi whispered “Guys I have a surprise planned for him”
“What?” Alice stopped singing Jaane Tu and reached Preethi’s side.
“Suspense. You will find out tomorrow”
“Oh come on”, Alice and Praveen said together
“Ava yen kitte solvein ille kanna? (She will tell me wont you darling?)”, asked Nithin’s grandmother, Vaishaki
Preethi held Vaishaki’s chin, smiled sweetly at her and said “Unakku athukku age aakale paati (you are not old enough for that Grandma)”
Anita said “Aha you know Tamil too Gran?”. All of Nithin’s friends called her Grandmother
“Oh yes, we are the Tamil-buddies”, Preethi said proudly “ille paati (right Grandma?)”
In the next room was Nithin’s father talking to a friend.
“It is wonderful Nithin changed so much”, said Peter
“Yes. Owe it all to his fiancé, Keerthi”, Nithin’s Father Krishnan said
“Who is that Tamilian girl?”, asked Peter watching Preethi skipping around Nithin’s mother for payasam
“Hehe that’s Preethi. She moved in to our neighborhood hardly a year back. Her parents complain she spends more time here than with them. I will call her. Preethi, come here ma”
Preethi, frowning, came to where Krishnan was standing
“Krishna Mama, Savithri Maamy wont give me Payasam now!”
“Does she not now! Let me teach her a lesson. By the way this is Peter, Mama’s friend of 40 long years”
“Adengappa, ivangala paatha avalom old mathri theriyilien (He doesn’t look that old)”, said Preethi
“So I look old is it?” Krishnan frowned
“Oh yes”, Preethi said eyes wide open
“Adi (Will give you a beating)”, said Krishnan in mock anger and Preethi ran away laughing
“Sweet girl”, said Peter
“Yes. She means a lot to us, she was the one who took my mother Vaisakhi to hospital one day when no one else was here or we would have lost her. She runs to the store each time my wife or mother needs anything. She does a number of things for me, for Nithin. She has this special adoration for Nithin. Its all little things Peter, but it somehow adds up to a lot. I cant believe sometimes that I knew her only for a year, and then sometimes I wake up thinking I have two children!”
Nithin had just finished talking with Keerthi over the phone when he heard another loud round of applause from the living room. “You are all enjoying lots! Not fair, I want to be in too”.
“It is my singing Nithin, they love it!”, said Alice proudly.
Nithin smiled and watched his gang of friends and relatives, all having fun in their own way. “Guys its so special to me. But let me tell you, I don’t want a huge publicity. I am expecting only the 30 odd people who are here today for the wedding. So no telling anyone ok? And keep the wedding card I gave, to yourselves.”
“What wedding card?”, asked Thomas
“Oh I didn’t give you. Here”
“It is special cause Nithin drew that picture of Keerthi you see in the card. He wants to let her know how special she is”
“Wow it is beautiful Nithin. You give it to everyone?”, asked Thomas
“No. Only you guys, and the real one, the big painting, to her. And I want you guys each to write a special message behind the card and gift it to Keerthi”, Nithin smiled
“Ahaaa!”, everyone laughed
But Preethi looked worried. “Nithin Bayya did you really mean it when you said you don’t want any publicity?”
“Yes… why do you ask Preethi?”
“Cause… oh no… I meant it as a gift, as a pleasant surprise…”
“What?”
“I send to a newspaper this card and a big photo of both of you announcing the wedding. It should come tomorrow… oh God…”
Nithin looked flabbergasted, stared at Preethi for one long minute and dashed out.
“Oh noooo naan yenna pannirkein! (Oh no what did I do!)”, Preethi kept saying
The attempts made by friends to cheer her up went in vein. No one dared to go and talk to Nithin. That’s when Vaishaki said “Amma unakku athu theryatho? (Dear didn’t you know that?)”
Preethi looked inquiringly at Vaisakhi
“Oh she doesn’t”, exclaimed Anita “its more than 3 years ago now. Four maybe”
“What?”, Preethi asked looking at everyone who seemed to know something she didn’t
“Nithin had married once before, Preethi”, said Naveen
“WHAT?” Preethi asked surprised
“Yes, it was an arranged marriage, and on their way home from the wedding their car hit a lorry. Both the driver and the bride died instantly, Nithin was held in hospital critically and without consciousness for days before he finally opened his eyes”
“Oh dear!”, said Preethi
“He didn’t take it well, it was a complete shock to him. And it is Keerthi who actually took him from that dejected, depressed self to what he is now. She never gave up and was quite patient with him, reassuring him any number of times he would feel down. She was his greatest friend and he depended on her for everything. That’s why she is so special to him now. And this painting he made for her. He wanted to say thanks in some way. And what he did best was paint. So…”, said Thomas
“But I didn’t know any of this… why didn’t someone tell me before”, asked Preethi accusingly
“We just stopped talking of that old story. We never mentioned it cause we were afraid how he would take it… we should have told you”, said Alice
Preethi looked dumbfounded for some time and then went out to find Nithin. He was sitting by himself in a chair and looking far
“Nithin Bayya”
Nithin looked up at Preethi but didn’t say anything. He looked like his best friend had just deceived him
“I didn’t know Nithin Bayya. I am so sorry”
Nithin still said nothing. “I wanted to give you a big gift. And I thought this was big.”
Silence.
“I am sorry Nithin Bayya. Please don’t be upset. Its your wedding”
Nithin looked afar.
Preethi ran inside and went up the stairs
In a while Nithin came in and looked for Preethi.
“She was upset. You cant blame her Nit she didn’t know anything.”, said Praveen
“She sees you like this big idol, this big brother she could look up to. And the little fool probably thought this was something which will make you happy”. From Anita.
“She’s not a fool. I am. Where is she guys?” Nithin asked.
Everyone pointed upstairs
Nithin climbed up and on his way saw Preethi trying to hide behind a cupboard. He decided not to talk to her then. He went up to his room and in the morning called Preethi and took her there. He showed her a painting – a new one - it had Nithin and Keerthi both filled with smiles on their face. “What do you say I use this on my new wedding card?”
Preethi looked wondering what to say. It was lovely the new painting. “But what about the old one?”
Nithin smiled and showed her the old painting. But it had something more. It had a small face next to it. Preethi’s. “Two very special people, one my woman, one my little girl! I want to gift that to my little sister, to my thangachi (little sister)”
And he gave it to her.
The next day Preethi was running around the house distributing the new wedding card “New wedding card parungo new wedding card parungo (See the new wedding card, see the new wedding card)”
And she wrote the special message Nithin wanted behind the card
“Dear Anni, there is a risk behind this marriage you might not have been aware of. Cause after the wedding you are going to be held responsible for the misdeeds of a young woman called Preethi who lives in thy neighborhood. You are, without your permission being adopted as the older sister and Guardian to Preethi Subramaniam, moi! Enganna unnai thondharavu panninaal, bayapedathungo, thangachi Preethi paathu kolkirein! (If my brother gives you any reason to worry, don’t fear, your sister Preethi will look after you)”
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
From the day she died...
I entered the room with an odd feeling. This was the room of a dead person. Someone I didn’t know. Someone I am supposed to have seen 19 years back as a 2 year old. What I saw first on entering was a painting, on the floor. It was a girl’s face.
“That’s the picture she was painting before I dragged her out to the car…”
“Oh”. Her mother. Sangeetha’s.
“So this was her…” I didn’t know how to complete that line.
“Her last painting”
I was afraid if the mother would burst into tears again. She already did twice, I didn’t want to be the reason for her to do it again. I tried to think of something else to say, but she was still on that subject.
“I don’t know if she completed it. She was at it and didn’t seem to want to stop. And it was me, it was I who told her to come back and finish it later. I …”, she gasped. I knew she was going to cry. Again
“It is not your fault Aunty”
“That’s what everyone tells me, but I know, I know it is Kiran. There is no use pretending”
“You didn’t drive her to that accident Aunty, it would have happened anyway. Sangeetha, she…” I stopped. I was going to say, she must have had her lines drawn short, that she must have been destined to live a short life. I surprised myself. I didn’t believe in fate, in destiny… not before.
“Maybe. But if I just left her to that painting, she might have been alive today.”
I didn’t have an answer to that cause I felt she was right.
Not knowing what else to say, I went closer to the painting. It was a girl’s face, half of it covered by her hair. The other visible half was a sad face. Was the girl about to cry? There was blue, red, and green – a lot of green.
“Did Sangeetha always paint?”
“No, she didn’t. Very rarely, she takes out all that junk and sits on it for hours. That’s what surprised me. I am seeing her at it after years… did my girl know…”
Aunty left it at that.
What? That she was about to die? Why would anyone paint when they knew they were going to die? I wanted to ask. But I had enough sense not to. The picture was not that brilliant. Maybe something like what I might come up with. Come to think of it, its exactly the kind I would paint. I felt a sudden desire to know more about the girl. I looked around her room. It was absolutely untidy. Just like mine. So many newspapers were lying around, so many books and clothes. The clothes must have been tried on one after the other, and she must have looked at that mirror in the corner. I imagined her doing that.
“She always left it that way. I shouted at her everyday for that”
So did my Mom. When she was there…
With a sudden idea coming to head, I peeped under the bed. Yes, there was a rusty old guitar there. What was this girl? Another me?! That took me to the books. Arthur Conan Doyle, James Joyce, Robin Cook, John Grisham, they were all there. And more. She read non fiction too. She was way above my league.
“That girl was never seen without her books. It was so embarrassing when she would insist to carry it for weddings and visiting other homes. ‘I will be bored Amma, please’ she would say. And I couldn’t look at her face and say no. Only if I looked that night…”
I didn’t know if it was cruel, but now I wanted to know what happened.
“What happened Aunty? You want to tell me?”
“Yes… I do… I was hoping someone would let me”
“Tell me”
“There is nothing much to say Kiran. We were planning to go out somewhere and when I looked, Sangi was painting this picture. And I said enough dear, come we will be late. She turned to look at me and said Amma please let me finish it. How long will it take, I asked. I don’t know Amma, said she. I told her to finish it when we were back. Oh Amma she said. But she said no more... those were her last words. She came out in ten minutes. And I remember wondering then what’s eating this girl, why does she have to look so gloomy. I dismissed it cause I thought it was leaving that stupid picture. Of course, my poor girl must have sensed danger. She didn’t want to leave us so soon. But I made her…”
Something told me it was indeed leaving that “stupid picture” that made her gloomy. I should have in her place. But I didn’t tell Aunty that.
I came back home with Sangeetha’s books and diaries that Aunty insisted I should have. I didn’t want to read her diary; I knew how personal that was. But something made me feel I had a right to. Just like I feared, yes it was turning scary now the semblance with the dead one, she wrote like me. Our stories were different but we could easily be the same single person. I tried to remember my 19-year old meeting with her. No use.
I went to her home often. Something stopped me from asking for her photos. I was scared if I might end up looking at myself. Thankfully, we were completely different there. Sangeetha was a beautiful girl, sharp nose, eyes and lips. Her only problem was her cheeks- she had none. She was too lean. “I don’t know if that girl ate at all. She would forget if someone didn’t tell her to eat”, Aunty cribbed.
For some days now, Aunty started talking like that. Like Sangeetha was still there. It sounded like a parent worrying about a child and nothing more. No one would suspect the child was no more.
I spend most of my time reading Sangeetha’s diary. I liked her so much, if only I knew her before… but like someone said, of all the words that has been said, these are the worst – if only it were so. Maybe God didn’t want 2 of his creations so exactly same living together and called one back earlier. Alright, that was a girlish thought.
Aunty too started noticing our similarities. She knew I liked lime juice more than coffee or tea, that I liked to brush each time I ate, that I slept faster on a couch than a bed. So when she said “you don’t watch TV right?”, I knew she knew I didn’t. “No Aunty, just like Sangi”. The mention of Sangeetha’s name didn’t bring tears anymore to Aunty. Not when I said it.
Sangeetha’s friends were all interesting. Aunty had invited them all one day and of course I was there too. I was afraid if Aunty would announce “Meet Kiran, Sangeetha’s new version”. Thank God she didn’t.
Divya was her best friend. “She was just like a little kid, she wouldn’t do anything until someone reminded her”, Divya said sadly. Varun, another friend added “when it came to books though, she needed no telling”.
It was really odd listening to her friends talk about her. I was beginning to know someone after her death, and really like her so much that I started worrying. I mean I didn’t feel anything when I heard her departure, but now I wish I never heard it!
“I had a dream. That I went to the Moon. What a lovely dream. It seemed so real that when I woke up I felt out of place in earth” – Sangeetha’s last diary entry. No, there was no element of intuition there. Although Aunty might have thought there is – “going away, my girl knew she was going away”
I should have known I went too much into this whole Sangeetha thing. Cause that night, she came in my dreams. I don’t remember what I saw, but I wish I didn’t. cause I woke up mourning her death. Its been over two months now. And I simply cant get her out of my head. Yet, I was digging to know more about her. Every time I went to her house, I would look for something more. I would call her friends and talk to them. In a few days, I knew the girl inside out.
It hit me one day. I was desperately trying to make her real, make her living. Trying to make believe she had only gone some place far and would come back. I thought I should consult a psychiatrist. Its been 4 months now. And the dreams, they were coming too often. Divya and Varun tried to solve it with me, yes they were my best friends now. “Just don’t think too much about it man, so you like Sangi, so what” – from Varun.
“Oh Varun, Sangi was a sweet heart, but its not good to think too much about someone who passed away” – from Divya
“People don’t you understand? I didn’t know this girl! I mean I had no idea who she was! Why am I worrying myself sick like this?” – from me!
No one could help me. I began to think what would have happened if I did meet Sangeetha. Would we have become great friends? No doubt, yes. Would we have fallen in love? And I knew…
That’s what happened now. I have fallen in love with a dead girl and it pains me to say that. I don’t know how I let it happen.
Days passed without a solution, till she came to me. Sangeetha’s mother. “I know what is worrying you beta”. I looked at her but said nothing. “Would you let me advice you?”
I nodded. “Be her”
I looked up “What?”
“You be her. I have lost her few months back. But after I met you, its like I found her again. Its like she came back to me again and called me Amma”
“But… Aunt…”
“You are alone son… like me…”
I nodded.
“And this is how Sangeetha wants to tell me she wont leave me alone. She send you to me”
I didn’t agree with that but I accepted her proposal. To be Sangeetha. To be her son.
Sangeetha I knew wouldn’t have ever wanted to leave her Mom or leave her with anyone else in her place. I knew her, I did. So becoming her was no hurdle for me. But when I die, I am going straight to her, first thing, wherever it is. I was too late here on earth but I cant afford to miss her one more time. I love you, Sangeetha.
“That’s the picture she was painting before I dragged her out to the car…”
“Oh”. Her mother. Sangeetha’s.
“So this was her…” I didn’t know how to complete that line.
“Her last painting”
I was afraid if the mother would burst into tears again. She already did twice, I didn’t want to be the reason for her to do it again. I tried to think of something else to say, but she was still on that subject.
“I don’t know if she completed it. She was at it and didn’t seem to want to stop. And it was me, it was I who told her to come back and finish it later. I …”, she gasped. I knew she was going to cry. Again
“It is not your fault Aunty”
“That’s what everyone tells me, but I know, I know it is Kiran. There is no use pretending”
“You didn’t drive her to that accident Aunty, it would have happened anyway. Sangeetha, she…” I stopped. I was going to say, she must have had her lines drawn short, that she must have been destined to live a short life. I surprised myself. I didn’t believe in fate, in destiny… not before.
“Maybe. But if I just left her to that painting, she might have been alive today.”
I didn’t have an answer to that cause I felt she was right.
Not knowing what else to say, I went closer to the painting. It was a girl’s face, half of it covered by her hair. The other visible half was a sad face. Was the girl about to cry? There was blue, red, and green – a lot of green.
“Did Sangeetha always paint?”
“No, she didn’t. Very rarely, she takes out all that junk and sits on it for hours. That’s what surprised me. I am seeing her at it after years… did my girl know…”
Aunty left it at that.
What? That she was about to die? Why would anyone paint when they knew they were going to die? I wanted to ask. But I had enough sense not to. The picture was not that brilliant. Maybe something like what I might come up with. Come to think of it, its exactly the kind I would paint. I felt a sudden desire to know more about the girl. I looked around her room. It was absolutely untidy. Just like mine. So many newspapers were lying around, so many books and clothes. The clothes must have been tried on one after the other, and she must have looked at that mirror in the corner. I imagined her doing that.
“She always left it that way. I shouted at her everyday for that”
So did my Mom. When she was there…
With a sudden idea coming to head, I peeped under the bed. Yes, there was a rusty old guitar there. What was this girl? Another me?! That took me to the books. Arthur Conan Doyle, James Joyce, Robin Cook, John Grisham, they were all there. And more. She read non fiction too. She was way above my league.
“That girl was never seen without her books. It was so embarrassing when she would insist to carry it for weddings and visiting other homes. ‘I will be bored Amma, please’ she would say. And I couldn’t look at her face and say no. Only if I looked that night…”
I didn’t know if it was cruel, but now I wanted to know what happened.
“What happened Aunty? You want to tell me?”
“Yes… I do… I was hoping someone would let me”
“Tell me”
“There is nothing much to say Kiran. We were planning to go out somewhere and when I looked, Sangi was painting this picture. And I said enough dear, come we will be late. She turned to look at me and said Amma please let me finish it. How long will it take, I asked. I don’t know Amma, said she. I told her to finish it when we were back. Oh Amma she said. But she said no more... those were her last words. She came out in ten minutes. And I remember wondering then what’s eating this girl, why does she have to look so gloomy. I dismissed it cause I thought it was leaving that stupid picture. Of course, my poor girl must have sensed danger. She didn’t want to leave us so soon. But I made her…”
Something told me it was indeed leaving that “stupid picture” that made her gloomy. I should have in her place. But I didn’t tell Aunty that.
I came back home with Sangeetha’s books and diaries that Aunty insisted I should have. I didn’t want to read her diary; I knew how personal that was. But something made me feel I had a right to. Just like I feared, yes it was turning scary now the semblance with the dead one, she wrote like me. Our stories were different but we could easily be the same single person. I tried to remember my 19-year old meeting with her. No use.
I went to her home often. Something stopped me from asking for her photos. I was scared if I might end up looking at myself. Thankfully, we were completely different there. Sangeetha was a beautiful girl, sharp nose, eyes and lips. Her only problem was her cheeks- she had none. She was too lean. “I don’t know if that girl ate at all. She would forget if someone didn’t tell her to eat”, Aunty cribbed.
For some days now, Aunty started talking like that. Like Sangeetha was still there. It sounded like a parent worrying about a child and nothing more. No one would suspect the child was no more.
I spend most of my time reading Sangeetha’s diary. I liked her so much, if only I knew her before… but like someone said, of all the words that has been said, these are the worst – if only it were so. Maybe God didn’t want 2 of his creations so exactly same living together and called one back earlier. Alright, that was a girlish thought.
Aunty too started noticing our similarities. She knew I liked lime juice more than coffee or tea, that I liked to brush each time I ate, that I slept faster on a couch than a bed. So when she said “you don’t watch TV right?”, I knew she knew I didn’t. “No Aunty, just like Sangi”. The mention of Sangeetha’s name didn’t bring tears anymore to Aunty. Not when I said it.
Sangeetha’s friends were all interesting. Aunty had invited them all one day and of course I was there too. I was afraid if Aunty would announce “Meet Kiran, Sangeetha’s new version”. Thank God she didn’t.
Divya was her best friend. “She was just like a little kid, she wouldn’t do anything until someone reminded her”, Divya said sadly. Varun, another friend added “when it came to books though, she needed no telling”.
It was really odd listening to her friends talk about her. I was beginning to know someone after her death, and really like her so much that I started worrying. I mean I didn’t feel anything when I heard her departure, but now I wish I never heard it!
“I had a dream. That I went to the Moon. What a lovely dream. It seemed so real that when I woke up I felt out of place in earth” – Sangeetha’s last diary entry. No, there was no element of intuition there. Although Aunty might have thought there is – “going away, my girl knew she was going away”
I should have known I went too much into this whole Sangeetha thing. Cause that night, she came in my dreams. I don’t remember what I saw, but I wish I didn’t. cause I woke up mourning her death. Its been over two months now. And I simply cant get her out of my head. Yet, I was digging to know more about her. Every time I went to her house, I would look for something more. I would call her friends and talk to them. In a few days, I knew the girl inside out.
It hit me one day. I was desperately trying to make her real, make her living. Trying to make believe she had only gone some place far and would come back. I thought I should consult a psychiatrist. Its been 4 months now. And the dreams, they were coming too often. Divya and Varun tried to solve it with me, yes they were my best friends now. “Just don’t think too much about it man, so you like Sangi, so what” – from Varun.
“Oh Varun, Sangi was a sweet heart, but its not good to think too much about someone who passed away” – from Divya
“People don’t you understand? I didn’t know this girl! I mean I had no idea who she was! Why am I worrying myself sick like this?” – from me!
No one could help me. I began to think what would have happened if I did meet Sangeetha. Would we have become great friends? No doubt, yes. Would we have fallen in love? And I knew…
That’s what happened now. I have fallen in love with a dead girl and it pains me to say that. I don’t know how I let it happen.
Days passed without a solution, till she came to me. Sangeetha’s mother. “I know what is worrying you beta”. I looked at her but said nothing. “Would you let me advice you?”
I nodded. “Be her”
I looked up “What?”
“You be her. I have lost her few months back. But after I met you, its like I found her again. Its like she came back to me again and called me Amma”
“But… Aunt…”
“You are alone son… like me…”
I nodded.
“And this is how Sangeetha wants to tell me she wont leave me alone. She send you to me”
I didn’t agree with that but I accepted her proposal. To be Sangeetha. To be her son.
Sangeetha I knew wouldn’t have ever wanted to leave her Mom or leave her with anyone else in her place. I knew her, I did. So becoming her was no hurdle for me. But when I die, I am going straight to her, first thing, wherever it is. I was too late here on earth but I cant afford to miss her one more time. I love you, Sangeetha.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
On his wedding eve
March 30th.
Saraswathi entered the kitchen and heaved.
“Oh where is that boy?”
“Who aunty?”
“My son dear. Cant he sit home on his wedding eve!”
“Oh I saw Shyam take his bike sometime back”
“Great! And everyone is asking for him!”
“Did you try his cell phone?”
“Its off”.
Another sigh from Saraswathy before she switched herself into thinking mode.
One month ago. February 29th.
Saraswathy had waited all morning. Why was Shyam taking so long to come?
And finally when he came, why was he so silent. She had to ask.
“What did you decide?”
Shyam looked up at his Mom, but said nothing. He seemed lost in thought.
She didn’t ask anything more. She knew he didn’t need telling.
That’s when Nirmala came running to the room.
“Annaaa (brother), look at the new salwar uncle Ishwar got me”
The girl was looking at the mirror and turning around, covering her head with her duppatta and looking cutely at her brother. At 12, she was growing up fast.
“Nimmi Anna and I are talking about something serious”, Saraswathy said gently.
Shyam looked absent mindedly and smiled. Sometimes that boy was incomprehensible. What was in his mind? Was he thinking of his ailing sister? Or just looking at her?
“You look beautiful Nimmi. But I know someone else who would look cuter in that”
Nirmala looked crossed. “Who”, she said between frowning.
“Paaati (Grandma)”.
“Ioooo Annaaa”. Nirmala laughed and ran off the room shouting “Paaatiiii”
Shyam turned to look at her one long minute. Was he listening or thinking?
He suddenly looked at Saraswathy and nodded.
“Shyam?” she asked not knowing what more to ask
“Yes… I am ready Amma(Mother). You go ahead”, he said unemotionally.
Not waiting for an answer, he walked straight out of the room. What was troubling the poor boy? But Saraswathy knew without him telling. He never told her anything about it. But she knew. Wont Mothers always know? There was a girl…
Two weeks ago. February 14th.
Anakha waited for an hour. The beach was getting crowded. 6 p.m. If Shyam was going to be any later, she would have to go back.
“Ann”. Oh he was here. She didn’t turn.
“Alright I am late. But look what got me late”
There was no reaction.
“You got me vadas (South Indian snack)!!! After all this while, vadas?!”
“I knew that would get you to look at me. Cause I needed you to look at my face when I said this. Happy Valentine’s day to the girl I knew for 10 births now”, he said, kissed her on her forehead and showered little yellow flowers over her head. As they fell to cover her round little face, she closed her eyes and smiled at the sky. Turning to him she held out her left hand with 2 fingers raised.
“Pick one”
“What for”
“Just pick”
Shyam smiled as he watched her at her favorite game she used to prove him wrong at something. He picked the index finger.
She gladly exclaimed. “You are wrong. Its 11”
“You mean 11 births? Ohhh you are making our love an old fellar!”. He frowned.
She smiled and took a brown cover. Out of it she brought a notebook and pen.
“This is for you to write for me and about me”
Next, she took out a red tie. “This is for you to wear for your interview next month”
Finally she took out a card. “This is something for you to look at every day before you go to sleep. Happy Valentine’s day Smi”.
Inside were the few words he had heard Anakha say every now and then
“Love is at its best when it’s unselfish. To me, if I really love you, it should not matter whether we end up together or not. I should only want to see you happy, and see you grow, even if its at the cost of hiding myself away from you. And I do, really love you. Your happiness is the gift for my love.”
Shyam looked at Anakha, all smiles fading away. “Why do you always tell me about this?”
“I don’t know. These are the words my mind dictates whenever I think of you…”
February 16th
“Didn’t Shyam call yet?”.
Anakha shook her head to say no.
“Maybe you should call him then”
“He specifically said don’t”
“Well maybe there is nothing much to worry, maybe it’s his interview”
“I will feel better knowing”
“I don’t know why…”
Anakha’s cell phone was flashing before her eyes and she in her hurry to answer it seemed to forgot how to do that.
“Yes Shyam she is here, 1 minute”
“Ann…” Shyam’s voice was not its usual happy tone
“Are you ok? Is everyone ok? Smi...”, she had atlast found her voice.
“Yes… I have to see you. There is something”
Despite herself, Anakha heaved a sigh and said “Yes. It’s a little late to get out of hostel. But I could sneak out”
“Will it be safe?”
“Yes I did that last year when you had that nasty fall from bike. Watchman Velu is a friend”
“Ok then just come outside. I will pick you up. Stay with Velu till I am there, don’t go out alone. Take
“Mm”
The beach was completely deserted at midnight, except for a guy far away who stared at the sea and 2 old men who lied down under a tree. Shyam seemed to have locked his attention with the old men.
“Shyam, I have to get back in an hour. Or Velu will be in trouble. So will
“Nirmala.”
“What happened to her? Oh God anything serious? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Anakha looked genuinely worried. Shyam looked at her.
“I got an offer to save her. Money for her surgery”
“Well!!!! And that’s why you chose to show up with a gloomy face! Idiot!! We have to celebrate!”
Shyam looked at her and smiled.
“What?! Oh I know. You are worried about having a debt. Just wait darling. You are going to get through that interview with my red tie and they will take you and pay you in gold.”
“Its not that Ann”
“Then what is it? How many months have you worried yourself sick over little Nimmy’s health… and last month… you were sure you’d lose her”
“I thought I will never make the money on time. But…”
“You have an offer now! So what’s the trouble?”
“The offer comes with a price”
“What price?”
Shyam fell silent.
“Yes…”
“And there is no way you can earn or get a loan that soon, when you don’t even own a house. I am sorry to be so blunt but I simply don’t understand you!”
Shyam looked at Anakha for one long second and whispered. “The cost they ask is you”
Tears filled his eyes.
“Me?” asked a completely confused Anakha.
“Yes. I have to lose you and marry my donator’s girl whose horoscope found a one in a million rare match with mine”
Anaka felt a thunder was about to come and heavy rain about to pour. Nothing. The world still stood peacefully. All the black clouds were inside her mind.
That night, the conversation didn’t proceed further and Anakha returned to her hostel, numb and cold. She still felt heavy rain pour.
February 20th
Anakha and Shyam had spent one hour at the beach both looking at the waves.
Atlast she spoke. “This is my parting gift”
Just like that. They never talked one word to each other after that night at the beach, and when she talked, it was as if they were talking about it all these days and was ready to part now.
Shyam however didn’t seem to notice this was her first line in days. He took the card.
“Love would be unselfish only when you are ready to give it up for the sake of love. I give you up Smi.”
Shyam closed his eyes hard and stayed that way, clutching the card tight for an hour. He opened his eyes to find Anakha gone. Unsurprised, he took his bike and rode home.
February 28th
The beach looked lonely at its busiest hours when exams kept the kids at home.
It seemed their last hours together were all going to be spent in silence. But then so were some of their best hours. Anakha finished reading the poems Shyam had given her, in the book she had gifted him for Valentine’s day. Only she had read his poems and only for her they were written.
The book was filled with poems he wrote, for her or about her.
“Thus ends this, all these words,
I send them far away
To a world I cant reach
Where stays the only one
I ever wrote them for”
March 17th
Anakha finished talking on her cell phone and whispered “It was Shyam”.
“What is it?” she asked now
“He cleared his interview”
“Wow that’s good”
Anakha looked at
March 30th.
It was the wedding eve. Anakha and Shyam sat near a tree which had seen them sit there together for over three years now.
This time silence was not in Shyam’s mind.
“Ok. Can I ask you one last time?”
Anakha looked at him, inquisitively.
Shyam didn’t wink or blink, he looked at her little round face and asked “Will you marry me?”
Anakha opened her eyes wide. She slowly took her hands out and raised 2 fingers.
Shyam said “Ann...”
But she kept them raised and he picked her middle finger.
She had tears flowing left and right, while she smiled to shake her head left and right to say no.
“You picked the wrong one again Smi”, she said as she held his hands that rested on her middle finger and pressed it to her face, crying hard, not fighting her sobs.
Shyam moved his head to rest on top of hers while tears ran to her long wavy hear and held them together for one long moment.
March 31st
“You don’t have to come dear”
“I always say about unselfish love
Anakha was sobbing.
“Oh dear, its cause you love him. Its easy to say love should be unselfish. But its not easy to see your love go away”
“I cant come
“Ok. Its ok. You stay here. Should I stay with you?”
“No no you go. I will be fine”
“Don’t worry I will be alive”. Anakha managed to smile.
The wedding auditorium was packed with people. Nirmala came running to see Anakha.
“Akkaaa (Sister), you are late. Wow you look beautiful!”
“How are you feeling dear?”
“Oh great. After the surgery I was bedridden all this while. Its such a relief to finally get out. But Amma says its only for today and no running”
“You better listen to Amma then”
“Ohh... thank you so much for coming”, said the shy bride
“Wish you a happy married life. Here is my little present”
Anakha handed the little slip of paper to the bride. She looked at it and asked innocently “What is this?”
Anakha now watched Shyam and said “Your husband is a poet dear. I have subscribed him to a magazine which will publish his poems, one a week for the next 6 months”
“Wow thanks! That’s wonderful”, said the bride looking happy.
“Its your duty to see he keeps writing”
“Yes yes”, she said absently and handed the paper to Shyam as the next guest was coming to wish the bride and groom.
Anakha knew the photographers would frown now; they shot enough of her.
She went to Shyam’s side for a brief second and said “Got ya there”, made a face at him and went away.
Shyam couldn’t get a word out before she was gone.
Sarawathy watched her son look at the small girl who had walked in so cheerfully and wondered what was it that she felt she just lost…
Shyam continued looking at the violet card that Anakha got him for their last Valentine’s day together, every single night before he slept. Until he received in post another card the next year. He opened it with his wife Indira, it was addressed to both.
“Love should be unselfish. So Shyam love your wife for me and Indira, love Shyam for me. And I will love you both for me. Hows that? Happy Valentine’s day both of you”
And despite himself, Shyam had found peace. He loved Indira, and he knew it was that unselfish love he heard so much about, which made him do it… he had picked it up from her, that girl with the little round face…
Away on the same Valentine’s day, at the beach.
“Amma (in respect), you want flowers?”
“Yes I will buy all of them if you promise to sit with me here”
“Wow all of them? Sure Amma.”
Sitting together, the little girl sang songs to her as she smiled at her and turned to look at the sky. The girl then showered some little yellow flowers over Anakha’s head. As the flowers came down, she smiled at the sky while the little girl said “These are from heaven for you Amma. God is sending them. You know why? You are the angel of pure love”
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Am not just a joker
“All women like to talk about themselves”, Jack reproached.
Meena looked troubled. “Is that a warning?”
Jack looked up and said “Oh! I keep forgetting you are one of them”
This didn’t cheer Meena up either. “Thanks”
“Are you okay? You sound odd”, Jack noticed for the first time.
“I am not. But I cant tell you about it”
“Why not?”
“Cause you don’t like women talking about themselves”
“yeah! I wasn’t talking about you!”
Meena stared at Jack and looked away.
The 2 of them were lying down on a dark and dry beach. Meena looked at the sky now. Jack was persistent. “Please Meena, you know I always listen to every crap you say”
No response. “I mean it”
Still looking at the sky Meena said, “Have you ever felt I am a joker”
Jack suppressed a laugh before he said “Hehe well to be honest, err”
“Fine, you don’t have to say more”
“Aww come on what is with you! Now you are really acting like a woman! Don’t let me lose you girl!”
“Jack people see me as just a joker, a clown. Someone who acted weird and funny and someone to look up when they wanted to have a laugh”
“Yeah, so what is so bad about that? You make people happy. You should be proud about it”
“Well I am not”
“Why?”
“Cause people expect jokers are made just for that – for being weird and funny. They forget we are people, with all human feelings. They simply forget that. They simply forget our existence”
Jack was genuinely concerned now. “What happened Meena?”
“Nothing… I just wish people gave me more importance sometimes Jack… I never plan to be weird. But it just happens sometimes. And that’s ok with me, if it brings a few laughs. But after that, when people just turn away and leave you alone with your weirdness and jokes, you feel this huge cloud of … loneliness. And you desperately look for attention… for some kind of an acknowledgement they see you as a human… as a friend…”
For a moment they just lied down there. The next moment, Jack rolled over to Meena’a side and was directly above her, facing her, balancing himself with his hands on the ground. “I do”, he said. He didn’t smile, he didn’t laugh. He looked like he made the most serious announcement of his life. Meena taken aback by this movement, did not know if she should laugh or rebuke. She just knew she felt absolutely elated, that he did the right thing. Of course she had to push him off so he wouldn’t lose balance and fall.
And after that they stood up to go back. They walked long, they talked long. And Meena, to Jack’s relief had stopped being “such a woman”. Though surprisingly, he had suddenly become all too aware of her womanhood and something about that made him happy. But he could tell her that later.
Meena looked troubled. “Is that a warning?”
Jack looked up and said “Oh! I keep forgetting you are one of them”
This didn’t cheer Meena up either. “Thanks”
“Are you okay? You sound odd”, Jack noticed for the first time.
“I am not. But I cant tell you about it”
“Why not?”
“Cause you don’t like women talking about themselves”
“yeah! I wasn’t talking about you!”
Meena stared at Jack and looked away.
The 2 of them were lying down on a dark and dry beach. Meena looked at the sky now. Jack was persistent. “Please Meena, you know I always listen to every crap you say”
No response. “I mean it”
Still looking at the sky Meena said, “Have you ever felt I am a joker”
Jack suppressed a laugh before he said “Hehe well to be honest, err”
“Fine, you don’t have to say more”
“Aww come on what is with you! Now you are really acting like a woman! Don’t let me lose you girl!”
“Jack people see me as just a joker, a clown. Someone who acted weird and funny and someone to look up when they wanted to have a laugh”
“Yeah, so what is so bad about that? You make people happy. You should be proud about it”
“Well I am not”
“Why?”
“Cause people expect jokers are made just for that – for being weird and funny. They forget we are people, with all human feelings. They simply forget that. They simply forget our existence”
Jack was genuinely concerned now. “What happened Meena?”
“Nothing… I just wish people gave me more importance sometimes Jack… I never plan to be weird. But it just happens sometimes. And that’s ok with me, if it brings a few laughs. But after that, when people just turn away and leave you alone with your weirdness and jokes, you feel this huge cloud of … loneliness. And you desperately look for attention… for some kind of an acknowledgement they see you as a human… as a friend…”
For a moment they just lied down there. The next moment, Jack rolled over to Meena’a side and was directly above her, facing her, balancing himself with his hands on the ground. “I do”, he said. He didn’t smile, he didn’t laugh. He looked like he made the most serious announcement of his life. Meena taken aback by this movement, did not know if she should laugh or rebuke. She just knew she felt absolutely elated, that he did the right thing. Of course she had to push him off so he wouldn’t lose balance and fall.
And after that they stood up to go back. They walked long, they talked long. And Meena, to Jack’s relief had stopped being “such a woman”. Though surprisingly, he had suddenly become all too aware of her womanhood and something about that made him happy. But he could tell her that later.
Monday, August 18, 2008
The door behind her.
Divya looked at the time. Past 1 a.m. She was ready to turn in. Thats when she heard the door. The one behind her. Surely, it was locked! Anila was always careful. She didnt turn around. This had never happened to her before, this feeling of extraordinary fear. She was always the first one to step forward, to take action. She listened for some kind of movement. None. This was silly, Divya thought. All she had to do was get up and go to her room. Anila was already asleep for 2 hours.
Divya grabbed her slippers still listening closely without turning back to the door. There was nothing more left to do now but to turn around and walk to her room. With one quick movement she turned, ready to run or fight. Flash. Noone. But just like she could sense her head move, she felt another vanish. She battled for a moment with the idea of checking the kitchen whose closed door had seemingly made the noise some time ago. Fear had overridden all such fancies and she dashed to her room. She locked the door and heaved a sigh.
Thats when she saw. The bed. It was empty. Anila was gone! But where? Of course the bathroom. Slow steps to and from the bathroom revealed a complete absence of the room mate. Divya found to her shame, she couldnt open the bedroom and go out in search of her friend. She just didnt have the guts. Of course the phone. Panic striken Divya had to fumble with the phone before dialling Anila's cell phone. And there... the song from that new Hindi movie started playing. Divya could hear it very close. But it was not coming from the bedroom. It was outside. It was... from the kitchen.
Divya forcibly removed fear to be replaced with sense. Anila probably went to get some water. And carried the phone with her. Probably to call her fiance. Divya did the only thing she felt brave enough to. "Annnnnn", she called out. No answer. "Anilaaaaaaaaaaaaaa", more loudly. No answer. Was she on call?
"Tuck tuck tuck". Knock. Not on the bedroom door. The common wall connecting the kitchen to the bedroom. Divya took slow steps towards the wall. "Ann...Ann... Anila..", she said meekly. More knock.
The worst fears had by now grabbed all of Divya's logic. She reached for her phone and called her friend Joe. Joe answered the third time she called.
"Joe Joe please help me please", she cried out
"Divya? What time is this? What happened?", a sleepy Joe asked
"Anila. I cant find her. And there is someone in the kitchen knocking at my wall. I am too scared Joe. Please come to my house please"
"Hey hey relax. It could be Anila in the kitchen you know. You might have locked her in or something"
"But she wouldnt answer when I call her. Please Joe. Please save my life"
"Ok relax. I will wake Hari up and be right there ok? Dont panic. Dont you have the number of any of your neighbors? Hey call the cops!"
"No no there is no time. Joe come fast please"
"Ok I am there. Hold on"
True to his word, Joe wasted no time. Hari and Joe had reached the girls' house in as little as ten minutes. Divya was on the phone again.
"Joe I cant come to the front door. What if he is waiting outside my room"
"Who? Oh the burglar. Ok we will break the door. That ok?"
"Yes... anything please..."
***********
Divya opened her eyes to find herself in a strange room. She looked around and found Anila staring out a window. "Ann... that you??? Oh dear you are alive... Anila I am so happy to see you"
As Anila turned around, Divya ran to her and hugged her and showered kisses. Without a moment's delay, tears were in plenty. "I thought... I thought you were dead... dear I was so scared... oh ... where were you... what happened..."
Anila had tears but said nothing. "Where are we Ann? Is this a hospital?"
Anila nodded. "Divya, I... I have a lot to... to ask and to tell. But the doctor said you need rest now. I wont be seeing you for some days. But... I wish I had an answer before I went..."
"What are you talking about Ann?", asked a completely puzzled Divya.
But Anila removed herself from Divya's embrace, and hurried out of the room.
"Hey wait where are you going? Annn come back"
Joe, followed by Hari came to the room to stop Divya rushing out after Anila.
"Whats with her?", asked a still dazed Divya
Hari looked indifferent while Joe passed a smile. "How are you feeling now?"
Divya looked absent minded for a minute. "I am ok. What happened? Did you find the burglar? Did I faint or something?"
"Will tell you all. But not me. The Doctor. Do you realize you have been here for 2 days?"
"Two?!! Why!"
"You will learn. Come with me"
The doctor took a while to ask Divya, Joe and Hari in.
Divya looked around for Anila. Joe whispered "She wont be joining us. Its ok"
Worried, Divya with a hundred questions to ask, looked at the Doctor.
"Sam is the name", the Doctor offered.
To this, Divya forced a nod.
"I know you have a lot of questions. But could you wait till I tell you a story?"
Again, Divya forced a nod unwillingly.
"You remember hearing a door move behind you on the fatal night?"
Divya shuddered as she remembered the night. Another nod.
"I will come to that. But my story starts from 10 months ago."
"Thats when Anila moved in", Divya said involuntarily
Doctor Sam smiled. "Correct. But this is my story."
Divya looked apologetic. "Yes".
Doctor Sam continued. "Heroine of my story, Seema was living alone by herself for close to 2 years. Thats when, like in your life, a girl had agreed to live with Seema. Manju. Manju was a complete contradiction to Seema. She loved everyone and everyone loved her. Seema on the other hand, had stayed away from everyone for reasons known best to her. But I have a hunch why. Seema found out when she was 17 that she was adopted. Though her parents had never in anyway been indifferent in the slightest manner, and in fact loved her more than anything else in this world, Seema took the news quite badly. She moved out. She lived by herself. Her parents who were devastated by her decision tried in vain to win her love back. That didnt happen. So they paid for her expenses.
Seema never called or talked to her parents. She distanced herself from her friends and relatives. She studied and read. By the end of two years, she was converted into a victim of mental instability. Loneliness, depression had finally turned into something more disastrous - jealousy. For jealousy was a quality that has at all times brought great havoc to world peace. Her jealousy became completely aimed at the loving and caring Manju. Ten months ago, when Manju came to Seema with her ever-pleasant demeanour, Seema seemed to go through a change. She went with Manju to places. Manju's friends became hers. She talked to people. She was, liked. Seema had a change in attitude. But she was confused. Her confusion was centred around Manju. She didnt know if she wanted to love the girl who brought humanness back into her life or hate her for bringing back everything she had denounced once. "
Doctor Sam stopped to watch Divya. Divya was paying undue attention and listening like a really curious child did to a story. Joe and Hari too, took turns to watch the girl as she rested her little face in her palms and watched the Doctor.
Doctor Sam continued. "Seema's mental instability caused her to be nice to Manju and take her close to her heart, as well as hate her. In 2 words, split personality. Normal self was the loving and smiling Seema. While the rare abnormal self took to doing harm to her room mate. With love and hatred debating for the same person, Seema had worsened her condition by suffering the pains of this battle all by herself. Not aware of her condition or wanting to tell anyone about her confused state of mind, she was going back to her old self of loneliness and dejection.
I am coming to the fatal night now. Manju who was unaware of the sad condition her friend was suffering from, had unsuspectingly lead Seema into the innermost sides of her life. She never understood how her precious little things noone knew about were always lost or stolen, why her favorite books or clothes were destroyed, and why her whole life suffered so many losses. Final blow came when Manju announced her wedding. When the calls with her fiance became too much, when the wedding was approaching, when Manju revealed her plans to leave the house... it was more than Seema could bear. This was a problem to both her sides. Her hatred because it meant a happy turn for Manju and her love because it meant Manju moving away. The solution to this, Seema found was..." Doctor Sam stopped to watch Divya
Divya was now having her mouth fully open. When the doctor delayed, Divya was all excited. "Dont stop Doctor. What happened... What did Seema do? What?"
"Can you make a guess"
"Oh Gosh did she kill Manju? That devil!"
The doctor smiled. "No she didnt"
"Then?"
"She went and told Manju she was sorry for everything. She told Manju everything she ever felt. Cause she realized no one had come so close to her as Manju did, by ways of hatred or love. And she realized her love for her dear friend had conquered everything else. That hatred was just another form of her love"
"Oh". Divya said and seemed immersed in thought for long. The three men kept quiet until she looked up and said "I am sleepy Doctor".
"Of course you are. Hari, would you please take her to the room? There will be a nurse outside my room. Please ask her to accompany Divya. And Divya, do come to me whenever you feel you want to talk"
"Or listen to a story", Divya smiled. And then suddenly "But Anila... mm". She shook her head and said "Joe I want you to make a call to a number. I will give it to Hari, along with the message ok?"
"Sure Divya. Go have a neat sleep", Joe said and winked at her.
"You have to explain Doc", Joe said as soon as the 2 of them were alone.
"I will. Before that, what do you feel about Divya"
Joe seemed to think for a minute before saying, "I care about the girl Doc"
"Good. Then you will make that call she wants you to"
"Of course. Who is it to?"
"We will find out. Before that, you realize what the problem is?"
"Yes of course. Seema was Divya and Manju, Anila... but what happened that night? Did Divya... did she actually try to... I cant believe that"
"You dont have to. She wouldnt have ever hurt Anila, physically I mean. Stealing or keeping away Anila's possessions was the worst she could do. She was unduly fond of Anila. The thought of the only human being she considered a friend going away meant a lot of things to Divya. It meant the old miserable life ditched in a house, stranded by everyone. Of course, she never realized it was her decision to stay away from everyone. On that night, the last one before Anila moved out of the house, Divya did what a 3 year old may do to keep her best friend from going away. But backing it up with more adultish preparations. Anila was given pills to lose consciousness, tied up close to a wall in the kitchen and locked. Divya's lost part of the brain probably thought she could keep Anila there forever. But her sane part could only remember there was someone in the kitchen. She couldnt place who it was or where Anila disappeared to. She panicked and did the things any girl would do on suspecting a burglar in the house."
"My God... Poor Anila"
"Yes, the girl was freaked out when she found herself tied up in a dark corner in the kitchen. I had to tell her who was behind it. I also tried to explain why it happened. But I thought it wise to tell her all later. I have promised her Divya never meant any harm for her. She understands it but she just could not understand why her friend could or would hate her. She probably will when the 2 of them talks. Which will happen only after a few days. After Anila's marriage"
"Divya will miss that?"
"She has to"
Hari came in with a piece of paper. He gave it to Joe and looked at Doctor Sam. "I feel a lot better now Doctor. Anila was a close friend and I was really upset with Divya."
"Yes, naturally. But the girl was helpless"
Joe looked at the paper and told the Doctor, "Doc but I thought she wanted me to call Anila to tell sorry... like in that story you told"
The doctor smiled. "There was no need for that. Divya has already said her sorries. Or so I feel. If I am right, she wants you to call her parents and tell them she wants to see them. And my guess is she is reserving all her sorries for them. But that will take time. A mentally ill patient does not come to her senses on day 1 of the Doc's treatment, even if he is a smart Doc like me"
The Doctor winked to Joe who smiled in return.
Away in the hospital room, Divya had slowly slipped to sleep. She dreamt. And when she woke up she decided her new house will not have a door behind her that would make her shiver to look back. Oh, her Mom and Dad would be there to make sure that didnt happen, she thought and smiled.
Divya grabbed her slippers still listening closely without turning back to the door. There was nothing more left to do now but to turn around and walk to her room. With one quick movement she turned, ready to run or fight. Flash. Noone. But just like she could sense her head move, she felt another vanish. She battled for a moment with the idea of checking the kitchen whose closed door had seemingly made the noise some time ago. Fear had overridden all such fancies and she dashed to her room. She locked the door and heaved a sigh.
Thats when she saw. The bed. It was empty. Anila was gone! But where? Of course the bathroom. Slow steps to and from the bathroom revealed a complete absence of the room mate. Divya found to her shame, she couldnt open the bedroom and go out in search of her friend. She just didnt have the guts. Of course the phone. Panic striken Divya had to fumble with the phone before dialling Anila's cell phone. And there... the song from that new Hindi movie started playing. Divya could hear it very close. But it was not coming from the bedroom. It was outside. It was... from the kitchen.
Divya forcibly removed fear to be replaced with sense. Anila probably went to get some water. And carried the phone with her. Probably to call her fiance. Divya did the only thing she felt brave enough to. "Annnnnn", she called out. No answer. "Anilaaaaaaaaaaaaaa", more loudly. No answer. Was she on call?
"Tuck tuck tuck". Knock. Not on the bedroom door. The common wall connecting the kitchen to the bedroom. Divya took slow steps towards the wall. "Ann...Ann... Anila..", she said meekly. More knock.
The worst fears had by now grabbed all of Divya's logic. She reached for her phone and called her friend Joe. Joe answered the third time she called.
"Joe Joe please help me please", she cried out
"Divya? What time is this? What happened?", a sleepy Joe asked
"Anila. I cant find her. And there is someone in the kitchen knocking at my wall. I am too scared Joe. Please come to my house please"
"Hey hey relax. It could be Anila in the kitchen you know. You might have locked her in or something"
"But she wouldnt answer when I call her. Please Joe. Please save my life"
"Ok relax. I will wake Hari up and be right there ok? Dont panic. Dont you have the number of any of your neighbors? Hey call the cops!"
"No no there is no time. Joe come fast please"
"Ok I am there. Hold on"
True to his word, Joe wasted no time. Hari and Joe had reached the girls' house in as little as ten minutes. Divya was on the phone again.
"Joe I cant come to the front door. What if he is waiting outside my room"
"Who? Oh the burglar. Ok we will break the door. That ok?"
"Yes... anything please..."
***********
Divya opened her eyes to find herself in a strange room. She looked around and found Anila staring out a window. "Ann... that you??? Oh dear you are alive... Anila I am so happy to see you"
As Anila turned around, Divya ran to her and hugged her and showered kisses. Without a moment's delay, tears were in plenty. "I thought... I thought you were dead... dear I was so scared... oh ... where were you... what happened..."
Anila had tears but said nothing. "Where are we Ann? Is this a hospital?"
Anila nodded. "Divya, I... I have a lot to... to ask and to tell. But the doctor said you need rest now. I wont be seeing you for some days. But... I wish I had an answer before I went..."
"What are you talking about Ann?", asked a completely puzzled Divya.
But Anila removed herself from Divya's embrace, and hurried out of the room.
"Hey wait where are you going? Annn come back"
Joe, followed by Hari came to the room to stop Divya rushing out after Anila.
"Whats with her?", asked a still dazed Divya
Hari looked indifferent while Joe passed a smile. "How are you feeling now?"
Divya looked absent minded for a minute. "I am ok. What happened? Did you find the burglar? Did I faint or something?"
"Will tell you all. But not me. The Doctor. Do you realize you have been here for 2 days?"
"Two?!! Why!"
"You will learn. Come with me"
The doctor took a while to ask Divya, Joe and Hari in.
Divya looked around for Anila. Joe whispered "She wont be joining us. Its ok"
Worried, Divya with a hundred questions to ask, looked at the Doctor.
"Sam is the name", the Doctor offered.
To this, Divya forced a nod.
"I know you have a lot of questions. But could you wait till I tell you a story?"
Again, Divya forced a nod unwillingly.
"You remember hearing a door move behind you on the fatal night?"
Divya shuddered as she remembered the night. Another nod.
"I will come to that. But my story starts from 10 months ago."
"Thats when Anila moved in", Divya said involuntarily
Doctor Sam smiled. "Correct. But this is my story."
Divya looked apologetic. "Yes".
Doctor Sam continued. "Heroine of my story, Seema was living alone by herself for close to 2 years. Thats when, like in your life, a girl had agreed to live with Seema. Manju. Manju was a complete contradiction to Seema. She loved everyone and everyone loved her. Seema on the other hand, had stayed away from everyone for reasons known best to her. But I have a hunch why. Seema found out when she was 17 that she was adopted. Though her parents had never in anyway been indifferent in the slightest manner, and in fact loved her more than anything else in this world, Seema took the news quite badly. She moved out. She lived by herself. Her parents who were devastated by her decision tried in vain to win her love back. That didnt happen. So they paid for her expenses.
Seema never called or talked to her parents. She distanced herself from her friends and relatives. She studied and read. By the end of two years, she was converted into a victim of mental instability. Loneliness, depression had finally turned into something more disastrous - jealousy. For jealousy was a quality that has at all times brought great havoc to world peace. Her jealousy became completely aimed at the loving and caring Manju. Ten months ago, when Manju came to Seema with her ever-pleasant demeanour, Seema seemed to go through a change. She went with Manju to places. Manju's friends became hers. She talked to people. She was, liked. Seema had a change in attitude. But she was confused. Her confusion was centred around Manju. She didnt know if she wanted to love the girl who brought humanness back into her life or hate her for bringing back everything she had denounced once. "
Doctor Sam stopped to watch Divya. Divya was paying undue attention and listening like a really curious child did to a story. Joe and Hari too, took turns to watch the girl as she rested her little face in her palms and watched the Doctor.
Doctor Sam continued. "Seema's mental instability caused her to be nice to Manju and take her close to her heart, as well as hate her. In 2 words, split personality. Normal self was the loving and smiling Seema. While the rare abnormal self took to doing harm to her room mate. With love and hatred debating for the same person, Seema had worsened her condition by suffering the pains of this battle all by herself. Not aware of her condition or wanting to tell anyone about her confused state of mind, she was going back to her old self of loneliness and dejection.
I am coming to the fatal night now. Manju who was unaware of the sad condition her friend was suffering from, had unsuspectingly lead Seema into the innermost sides of her life. She never understood how her precious little things noone knew about were always lost or stolen, why her favorite books or clothes were destroyed, and why her whole life suffered so many losses. Final blow came when Manju announced her wedding. When the calls with her fiance became too much, when the wedding was approaching, when Manju revealed her plans to leave the house... it was more than Seema could bear. This was a problem to both her sides. Her hatred because it meant a happy turn for Manju and her love because it meant Manju moving away. The solution to this, Seema found was..." Doctor Sam stopped to watch Divya
Divya was now having her mouth fully open. When the doctor delayed, Divya was all excited. "Dont stop Doctor. What happened... What did Seema do? What?"
"Can you make a guess"
"Oh Gosh did she kill Manju? That devil!"
The doctor smiled. "No she didnt"
"Then?"
"She went and told Manju she was sorry for everything. She told Manju everything she ever felt. Cause she realized no one had come so close to her as Manju did, by ways of hatred or love. And she realized her love for her dear friend had conquered everything else. That hatred was just another form of her love"
"Oh". Divya said and seemed immersed in thought for long. The three men kept quiet until she looked up and said "I am sleepy Doctor".
"Of course you are. Hari, would you please take her to the room? There will be a nurse outside my room. Please ask her to accompany Divya. And Divya, do come to me whenever you feel you want to talk"
"Or listen to a story", Divya smiled. And then suddenly "But Anila... mm". She shook her head and said "Joe I want you to make a call to a number. I will give it to Hari, along with the message ok?"
"Sure Divya. Go have a neat sleep", Joe said and winked at her.
"You have to explain Doc", Joe said as soon as the 2 of them were alone.
"I will. Before that, what do you feel about Divya"
Joe seemed to think for a minute before saying, "I care about the girl Doc"
"Good. Then you will make that call she wants you to"
"Of course. Who is it to?"
"We will find out. Before that, you realize what the problem is?"
"Yes of course. Seema was Divya and Manju, Anila... but what happened that night? Did Divya... did she actually try to... I cant believe that"
"You dont have to. She wouldnt have ever hurt Anila, physically I mean. Stealing or keeping away Anila's possessions was the worst she could do. She was unduly fond of Anila. The thought of the only human being she considered a friend going away meant a lot of things to Divya. It meant the old miserable life ditched in a house, stranded by everyone. Of course, she never realized it was her decision to stay away from everyone. On that night, the last one before Anila moved out of the house, Divya did what a 3 year old may do to keep her best friend from going away. But backing it up with more adultish preparations. Anila was given pills to lose consciousness, tied up close to a wall in the kitchen and locked. Divya's lost part of the brain probably thought she could keep Anila there forever. But her sane part could only remember there was someone in the kitchen. She couldnt place who it was or where Anila disappeared to. She panicked and did the things any girl would do on suspecting a burglar in the house."
"My God... Poor Anila"
"Yes, the girl was freaked out when she found herself tied up in a dark corner in the kitchen. I had to tell her who was behind it. I also tried to explain why it happened. But I thought it wise to tell her all later. I have promised her Divya never meant any harm for her. She understands it but she just could not understand why her friend could or would hate her. She probably will when the 2 of them talks. Which will happen only after a few days. After Anila's marriage"
"Divya will miss that?"
"She has to"
Hari came in with a piece of paper. He gave it to Joe and looked at Doctor Sam. "I feel a lot better now Doctor. Anila was a close friend and I was really upset with Divya."
"Yes, naturally. But the girl was helpless"
Joe looked at the paper and told the Doctor, "Doc but I thought she wanted me to call Anila to tell sorry... like in that story you told"
The doctor smiled. "There was no need for that. Divya has already said her sorries. Or so I feel. If I am right, she wants you to call her parents and tell them she wants to see them. And my guess is she is reserving all her sorries for them. But that will take time. A mentally ill patient does not come to her senses on day 1 of the Doc's treatment, even if he is a smart Doc like me"
The Doctor winked to Joe who smiled in return.
Away in the hospital room, Divya had slowly slipped to sleep. She dreamt. And when she woke up she decided her new house will not have a door behind her that would make her shiver to look back. Oh, her Mom and Dad would be there to make sure that didnt happen, she thought and smiled.
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